Mr. Big

My version of Mr. Big.  Well the emotionally unattached and unattainable Mr. Big.  Not the later version whom Carrie married.  Lol

I met him when I was 19 and understandably clueless regarding love.  I hesitated at first to give him my number when meeting him downtown but after much persuasion I completely caved and he ended up at my house by the end of the night.  That was probably one of the most intense nights I’ve ever had, sexually speaking.  I lost count over the years but if I had to guess we must have gone at least 7 or 8 rounds throughout the evening.  Ironically he was suppose to be my first one night stand.  10 years later he still seems to hold my heart.  We tried to continue whatever you want to call what we had.  What sometimes felt like more of a relationship should probably be more accurately labeled a fling.  It went on for about a year or two.  Some days were great, others were horrible.  He never wanted to commit yet still wanted to keep me all to himself.  Man, we really did have some crazy fights and in the end I was the one hurt & upset.  I was young, still very immature and had no clue how to handle the feelings I had for him.  After the dust had settled we began hanging out again but never let it get as intense as it had been in the past.  The moment I started acting crazy or jealous he backed off.  And  I soon learned to pull away when I felt that warmness in my heart that took it from friends with benefits to more than friends. 

I can honestly say over the past few years I’ve finally come to handle our complicated situation as maturely as I’m sure he would have liked me to have in the beginning.  See, Mr Big has a very healthy appetite for women. So while he may have me Friday night, he’ll have a few more samplings of other cuisines over the weekend.  This was something I could not swallow when we first started out.  I was still too young and naïve and believed that I was the only one for him. However, I’m at a place in my life now where I’m finally able to play my role.  We have a very strong friendship given what we’ve endured over time and well I’m confident in knowing that when we share intimate moments it is completely unique and special to just us.  The connection he has with me I know he will never have with someone else and vice versa.  Still, since we are both single we are aware that we will both have other encounters while on our quest for love.   Don’t get me wrong though, I still have my girl moments where I feel the jealousy coming on.  Thankfully, he usually can snap me out of it before I let it consume me.  Its hard sometimes to be so emotionally connected to him and then shut off those feelings once I leave his place.  He’s the only man in my life I’ve ever been able to just sit and cry with and his presence alone makes me feel at ease no matter what I’m going through.  I’m sure you’re wondering right now why we haven’t just decided to date each other.  Trust me, my mind has wandered down that road a few times.   

Let me explain Mr Big for a moment.  He’s complicated, moody, cocky, opinionated and can occasionally be a tad arrogant.  However he makes no apologies for it and I find that extremely attractive.  His style is very metro sexual and I’d definitely call him a designer whore.  His lifestyle is very fast paced , he knows EVERYONE, he’s the life of the party and while he can hang with the elite he is still super down to earth.  You know the typical guy with a speedy sports car and a sexy female in the passenger seat.  Shops more than I do and has to have the best of everything.  Excessive is probably the best word to truly describe him.  Now do you see my dilemma?  Lol…our lives are completely different and I definitely wouldn’t say I’m anywhere near his type.  The sexy Brazilian with the huge ass that walks into the club with her tight Bebe dress and Christian Louboutins on definitely will catch his eye before I will.  With that said,  it only makes sense to laugh along with him when we joke about how we can never ever date one another. 

In all honesty when I think about the kind of life I want and the type of husband I want he doesn’t exactly fit the mold either.  While emotionally he’s been there for me through EVERYTHING there are certain qualities I want that he wouldn’t be able to offer. We’re just at two completely different places in our lives.  So its easier to just keep things the way they are.  If I  need to talk after a bad day he’s there to talk to.  When I need some cuddle time he’s there to comfort me and give me that closeness that I desire for the night.  It just works.  However, since my friends constantly remind me that one day they think we will end up together, I still keep a slight ounce of hope that someday, he’ll truly turn into my Mr. Big.  After all… through all the good/bad guys, summer flings, or just “what was I thinking?” nights I still find myself right back at his front door every time.